Non-existent back and sides…

Letter to the Delegraph…

“SIR – My local barber recently closed in the face of competition – six new, fashionable hairdressers on the same street.

Spoilt for choice, I visited one that had a sign saying, “Gentlemen’s barber”, above the door. The shop was empty but I was told that I had to make an appointment, which I duly did before sitting down.

The waiting area was not supplied with Classic Car Weekly, Private Eye, Boxing Times or Country Life. In fact, there was no reading material whatsoever. BBC News played on a television in the corner.

In the chair, I described my habitual hairstyle preference and was asked what number I usually had. I said I didn’t know.

What followed felt like a lawnmower being applied to the back of my neck, ploughing a deep furrow towards the crown of my head. Fifteen minutes later, I was shown the handiwork in a mirror. I gave my usual response: “Perfect – thank you.” I don’t recall a pair of scissors being used.

My wife has not stopped laughing since. She says I look like a Peaky Blinder. Where can I find a traditional barber who can trim hair without recourse to power tools?”

With acknowledgments.