I was typing away merrily the other day, as you do, five fingers I’ll have you know – learned in my youth, anyway, I looked at my finished product, and noticed a strangeness which even stumped spellchecker.  No aitches!  Or No Haitches if you prefer.  I googled “no aitces” and came up with noting.  Went on to Yaoo and eventually found an answer of sorts – a worldwide sortage of H.  The supply ad been used up.  I was confused and dumfounded – never appened before and ten, listening to Radio 4 Today, the answer dawned.  ‘ave you ‘eard some of the responses by well educated sounding people to the questions asked?  I give you an example: “..shtrategicly, frushtrated, shtreet, I haven’t the shtrength, shtudents, shtratosphere, shtrong, .  Needless and wasteful use of aitches; the words are not spelt with an aitch, so why do so many people use it inappropriately?  Is it a new form of received pronunciation based on TV and other media?  That’s the way other people say things so I will follow?  Ask those same people to spell the words and they wouldn’t include an aitch.

Radio 4, or any other medium ought to bring you legible English spoken clearly to paint the mental picture that radio is so good at producing.  It is its very raison d’etre.  I reported this to lord god google, and they have released a newly minted batch of haitches – I have saved the world.